Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been depressed.

I didn't feel it happening. It came over me gradually, like falling snow.

I'd felt a bit sad for months - but wasn't this normal for what was going on in my life? Leaving my career, downsizing and moving out of the apartment where we'd raised our daughter. Preparing to send her off to college. Normal stuff-to-feel-sad-about, right?

Little by slowly, the snow kept drifting down, muting all the colors of my world. Numbness set in. It wasn't just that I felt sad. I couldn't feel happiness, either. I didn't feel like going to a museum, seeing friends, or really doing anything.

The only thing I reliably felt was the anxiety that scratched through me like static. The tremors that came on when my meds wore off felt like the physical manifestation of existential dread, shaking me to my very core.

What woke me up? The crying. I couldn't stop. These tears did not feel like the usual emotional cloudbursts that let feelings out. These felt like an endless flood.

Finally, I had to realize that this might be an actual capital D depression. So I spoke with a therapist, and my Movement Disorder Specialist. They helped me see what was wrong with me, but also that there was a way out.

According to the Parkinson's Foundation, 50% of people with Parkinson's experience depression. So as I write this, I know I'm not alone.

Help that actually helps.

I am not a doctor, but I would like to share what's working for me. First off, medication. I tried to find a neuro-psychiatrist but no one was taking new patients and FOR SURE no one took my insurance. My MDS guided me to a service that matches people to service providers who accept insurance, which led me to a lovely Nurse Practioner who works under the supervision of a psychiatrist well-versed in PD. She prescribed an SSRI, which needs to build up in my system to reach full effectiveness. But already, 3 weeks in, I feel more like myself.

I go to therapy to recognize and address my tendency to get stuck in negative thoughts. "Ruminating" is a biggie for me. Worrying about my family's upcoming move, playing and replaying all the scenarios of how things could go horribly wrong - all this is especially dangerous for my mental health. Recognizing these negative thoughts -- and interrupting them -- can save me from their toxic lure.

And...I meditate! Badly! Yes, I'm one of those people with a chattering monkey mind that cannot stop no matter how soothing the meditation music. But what I'm learning is that it's okay to get swept away by a thought as long as I bring myself back to the breath. I'm using a free app called Medito that has de-mystified the process for me.

To build my meditation practice, I tie short meditations to other things I do habitually. I meditate in the morning while my coffee is brewing, and at night, after I brush my teeth. Just 5-10 minutes at a time, but already I can feel a difference.

I hope if you are reading this far, and you can identify with these feelings, you reach out for help. Your doctor, your family, a friend. And I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a line at mccopywriter@yahoo.com and we'll talk.